Are you living life in your best interest?
On my weekly “Ask Beatty Show” on the Progressive Radio Network (airing live every Monday afternoon, 3-4 p.m. ET), I open each show with a “How am I going to do it” segment, where I ask listeners to do an honest, in-depth self-assessment, where they can assess a number of areas of their life. The assessment includes an account of his mental health, status of his relationships and sex life, friends, associates, early trauma, lifestyle, money, work, sleep, physical health, diet, and possible addictions to prescription and over-the-counter medications. , alcohol and recreational drugs. I hope you will also consider making this self-assessment a part of your life. Some of your answers may surprise you and may explain how well or badly you are doing in your life and relationships.
As we try to navigate our busy lives, it’s easy to lose sight of whether we’re living in a way that’s in our best interests or whether, consciously or unconsciously, we’re engaging in destructive, self-destructive, or self-destructive behavior. – sabotaging. It takes a lot of courage to agree to acknowledge, address and solve, as best we can, the things that can keep us from living a healthier and happier life. And even if we can’t change our history, every day we have the opportunity to reboot and realize the things we can and must do (and not to do) to feed us. This process allows us to live the best possible life.
I recently received an email from a woman who is trying to figure out why, despite seeming to “have it all”, she is feeling depressed and unhappy. I hope you will find it useful in giving you an idea of how you might conduct your own self-assessment.
I’m not sure exactly what’s wrong with me, but I’ve been feeling depressed and lethargic for about a year. I’m 54 and have a pretty good marriage. I have two children aged 19 and 20 who are both in college and are doing very well. I am blessed with good health, financial stability and a close circle of friends. I also spend half the week volunteering at a women’s shelter.
Despite all the good things in my life, I walk around feeling lonely and disconnected. I feel like I’m performing most of the time and it’s only when I’m alone that I can really recognize how bad and empty I feel.
In fact, I feel embarrassed and guilty writing to you, because I think most people would give anything to have the life I have. Can you help me understand what is really going on?
Helene G., East Hampton
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time and I’m impressed that you reached out to me and are willing to take an honest look and find out what’s really bothering you. I’m curious if you can identify what happened about a year ago that apparently made you feel depressed and lethargic. One possibility that comes to mind is that your home and your children’s education, which has naturally occupied so much of your time, love, commitment and energy for so long, have now become an empty nest. As happy as we are that our children are moving on with their lives, leaving home is a huge adjustment for parents. I know how difficult it was for me when my own daughter left home to go to college. Have you been able to talk about this new stage of life with your husband or your friends? No need to be stoic!
You also mentioned that you had a “pretty good marriage”. Of course, no marriage or relationship is perfect. However, are there any issues (big or small) that bother you that you want to talk about with your husband? Your sex life? His health? Your lifestyle? Retirement? Remember that keeping your concerns or feelings inside will not change or help your situation. Have you had an annual physical recently? It is always important to rule out any physical/hormonal issues that could affect your mood. Are you getting enough sleep and exercising enough? Do you have unfinished business with your family or friends that you have been hesitant to deal with?
And finally, ask yourself three important questions:
1. If you could wish for anything at this point in your life, what would it be?
2. What would you like to change?
3. Now that you have answers, are you ready to take stock?
It’s time for some serious soul-searching and, as I constantly remind people, you don’t need to go through this journey on your own. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest, and host of the weekly “Ask Beatty Show” on the Progressive Radio Network. She has a private practice in New York and East Hampton.
Beatty would love to hear from you. You can send your questions and comments to him at [email protected]garlic.com. For more information, visit beattycohan.com.