Dear Maura: Menopause ruins sex life


At the start of our relationship, I never underestimated the importance of sex in our life together – I don’t think I can say that with conviction now. I love him and I don’t want to be without him. But I get stressed out about how many times we have sex and we end up not having any because I get so anxious.

Of course, age also takes its toll. My breasts seem to be getting flatter and lower week by week and I even think my vagina is sagging. I need to get out of this mindset, but easier said than done, as my options are limited. I train and do my best to stay in shape, but for me it’s now all about the mind.

How do you keep your young partner happy sexually? He doesn’t rush me at all. It all comes from me. Sometimes I think it’s just that I don’t have the energy, but surely I’m not at that stage of life yet?

Answer: I think you’re condensing so many feelings under the heading “Sex Life” and it’s causing you stress. At least you understand that you are the one who pumps this situation up to such a level.

Let’s focus on the fact that you are going through menopause and how it can affect your body. Get advice on all the types of support available, from vitamins to advice on how changes in your body can affect your sex life.

Talk to your partner about your concerns. Come up with ideas together to make your sex life less of a pressure and more of a pleasure. Think positively about your body. Your partner loves you and is attracted to you – there are no better aphrodisiacs.

Will my fiancée trust me again?

Dear Maura: I broke up with my girlfriend because I treated her badly. It was a year ago. I hurt her so much. We are now engaged to be married next summer but I can’t forget what I did to her. I left her for a co-worker and after a few weeks I knew I had made a huge mistake. I spent the next few months trying to win her back and succeeded. I love her so much but sometimes I’m not sure she’s happy. She couldn’t get over the fact that I left with this other woman – that I betrayed her for an affair. I try to catch up with her. She loves me but it’s not like before. She told me it would take time for her to trust me again. Answer: My advice is to stay engaged for more than a year. You’re planning a wedding next summer, which isn’t very long if a broken heart has to mend by then. She’s still hurt by your actions, but she’s agreed to get engaged. What you both need is time to be together — not engaged or married, just two people finding their way in a relationship. Obviously, stay committed since you bought the ring, but stop trying to be anything other than “together” for now.

Email your concerns to Dr Angela Brokmann [email protected] Maura O’Neill [email protected] All photos are posed by models

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