EDINBURGH 2022: Guest Blog by Patrick Spicer

Guest blog: Patrick Spicer presents a new endearing and self-mockery comedy show at the Fringe

Patrick talks about exposing his most humiliating moments on stage

Best Chortle Newcomer nominee Patrick Spicer blogs for Broadway World about bringing Who is it all of a sudden? in Edinburgh, his heightened emotions, lying about your sexual conquests and why honesty is always the best policy.

I’ve always been someone who tries to be normal and regular. Who acts, thinks and feels like everyone else, and obsessively hides any evidence that I may not be meeting the norm. The standard is of course set collectively by whoever I deem better than me, which is a big circle that, for convenience, we can call everyone.

If I had to describe MY vibe, I would say it’s “Oh my god, don’t look.” Unfortunately, people are often watching because you asked them a question or bought bananas. In these cases, the trick is to try to mold your personality into their personality like some kind of needy chameleon. Because they will like to look at each other. Who doesn’t love themselves!?

This personality embarrassment has largely been the driving force behind all of my most terrible decisions and least convincing disguises.

When I was thirteen I tried to impress my less anxious friends by taking ecstasy in a park which gave them a great afternoon and I had my first panic attack .

Eighteen years later, I had lots of panic attacks, but I didn’t impress absolutely anyone. Even if I do everything to hide them. Most people wouldn’t even realize I had one. They would just think “He’s a suddenly very calm and sweaty man.”

In my late teens, my usual friends started going to the bone zone, but I was too scared and embarrassed that it was going badly, so I started lying, which I had already done. My girlfriend went to another school! Top of the Bermuda Triangle! They don’t have WiFi there, so you won’t be able to contact her!

While inventing an increasingly complex sexual toll that I imagined people would like me to have, I never really faced any of the feelings of unfairness or inadequacy.

So when, in my twenties, I had contact with a very laid back GP who led me to think there was something horribly medical about me, I kept it all to myself. Magnetic sex hounds like me had nothing wrong with them. They hunted for sex. It was all their thing.

Maybe this all sounds like a ridiculous background to writing and performing a show entirely about the most humiliating things that have happened to me. If it sounds like that, I’m sorry. Please send me the kind of things you say. I will come to you and tell you.

The truth is, I thought when I started talking about all this on stage, people in my life would see the real not-normal guy and say YUCK! I love my friends like I love my coffee – sexually confident, mentally healthy, and physiologically pristine! Also, what is coffee??

But it turns out that all those cliches that honesty is the best policy were annoyingly true. Telling everyone the worst things about me that I could think of revealed something that I don’t think I could have expected, which was that no one cared. Everyone thinks in their place, not yours.

Sure, it sucks to say it for the first time, but it’s like going to the bone zone. The important thing is that you did.

I think anyone who has ever felt humiliated or scared or like something was wrong with them could see my show and laugh with me. Or at least to me. The thing is, we’re all sharing and we’re all having a good time and I’m sorry.

Patrick Spicer: Who is it all of a sudden?, Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose (Coorie), 6:20 p.m., Aug. 3-28 (not 16)

Photo credit: James Deacon

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