I still love sex but my wife thinks she’s too old | life and style

I am a 70 year old man who likes sex and intimacy, but my wife, who is 65, feels too old for that. We sleep in the same bed but keep the stuffed animal and the pillows between us. While speaking is useless and always becomes a blame. She sometimes said “Well, go ahead”, like it would work. At my age I need foreplay – that I like to give and receive.

It’s been years since we’ve been intimate. For a while we’d couple on birthdays or new year, but that stopped too. We both lost a lot of weight and things are saggy and wrinkly. I think part of the problem was that during intimacy she noticed that I was finding a bump or wrinkle that she felt herself.aware of.

The insight you expressed in your last sentence may be key, so you better start there. Poor body image and self-loathing are often responsible for declining sexual interest. And one of the strongest predictors of our level of desire is who we feel in the context of our partner. Obviously, you still perceive yourself as a lover – albeit a lover unfortunately imbued with unrequited desire and passion – but who do you think your wife perceives herself to be? Help her feel special, attractive and loved. Find ways to pet her and soothe her without expecting to have sex until she shows interest. Listen to their preferences and avoid any form of pressure or blame.

  • If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns at [email protected] (please do not send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses a problem to answer, which will be posted online. She regrets not being able to maintain personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.

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