My libido took a nosedive and now I can’t keep up with my baby boy
DEAR DEIDRE: My libido has taken a nosedive and now I can’t keep up with my little boy husband.
I’m 53 years old and when I met my husband, who is now 37, 10 years ago, we had the most amazing sex lives.
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For starters, we were both in our prime, with rampant libido. What he lacked in experience he made up for in energy and enthusiasm.
We couldn’t get enough of each other and sex was a big part of our relationship. We did it two or three times a day, every day.
But over the past couple of years, I’ve started to move away from sex. It’s not that I don’t like it when I’m in the mood… I’m just rarely in the mood.
Where I used to fantasize about having sex all day, now I don’t think about it at all.
If I am tired, I prefer to curl up in my bed with a good book and fall asleep.
I was so excited that I jumped on my husband the second he walked through the front door. Now he is always the one who initiates sex.
He’s getting fed up with me saying no. He takes it as a massive rejection. And I feel like he’s pestering me for sex all the time.
Sometimes I give in, just to keep the peace. But it leaves me feeling humiliated, and like a sex object.
And since I’m not exactly horny, penetrative sex can be uncomfortable and leave me feeling sore.
He thinks that I don’t want him anymore or that I’m having an affair. Nothing could be further from the truth.
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We make fun of each other a lot and I’m afraid if something doesn’t change our marriage will fail.
I still love him so much. The problem is, our sex drives no longer match.
DEIDRE SAYS: Many women in their 40s find that as they approach menopause, their libido drops. This is due to the loss of female hormones, which is probably also why you find sex uncomfortable.
Please don’t feel pressured into having sex just to please your man.
But if you want to improve your libido and solve the discomfort problem, you can make an appointment with your GP to talk about HRT or other treatments for menopause.
Talk to your husband and suggest that he find some kind of compromise. Make it clear that you love her and want to be intimate, but that you can’t play like you used to.
Perhaps taking sex more slowly and focusing on foreplay, cuddles, and massages would also help.
My support pack, Different Sex Drives, explains this issue in more detail and shows you where you can find help.