Sex life: masturbation came after sex

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Today’s Sex Life topic is a 27-year-old man who first masturbated when he was 22. sex.

Tell me about your first sexual experience

I was 15 when I first kissed someone. She was the second girlfriend I had ever had, and on my way to her house I googled how to kiss. I was very nervous and didn’t want to mess up. There were very detailed explanations on the internet, but I ended up realizing that no one was really good at this stuff from the start. You have to get comfortable with it.

Over time, I went from kissing to dry bumping, and it became a defining part of my teenage years.

Why bump dry?

At one point in my life, I was very religious. I believed that sex wasn’t something you had with someone you weren’t married to. Many people I knew felt the same way but tried anal sex instead. I wasn’t too comfortable with it. With the dry hump, you get some kind of action without having sex. It was common ground.

So, have you worked your way up to having sex?

Not really. I didn’t have sex for the first time until I was 20. Like I said, I spent the majority of my teenage years working dry, but I was about to graduate college and didn’t want to graduate without having sex. for the first time.

That year, I met a woman who was four years older than me, and she was intrigued that I was 20 and had never had sex. She said she was going to introduce me to her friends and try to trick me, but I told her it was her I wanted, and that’s how it happened.

RELATED: Sex Life: Religious Guilt Made Me Suppress My High Libido

I thought you wanted to wait until you were married. What changed?

I was born into a religious home, so most of my youthful zeal was channeled into being the best religious version of myself. Churches and other people in my religious circle have always made waiting until marriage a big deal, so it was something I clung to.

Then puberty came and I started negotiating with God. Of course, I wanted to wait, but my body had other plans. This is where the dry bump came in. There was so much guilt the first few times I did it, but as time passed and continued, the guilt lessened. I took the same approach with sex.

I had become a person who approached life differently and wanted to know why I shouldn’t do the things they told me not to do. When I started having sex, it was fun. The person I was having sex with was also having fun, so why would I feel bad?

When I asked these questions, the answers always came from the fact that sex was a taboo and a thing of disgust. Sexually transferred demons weren’t a valid argument, and I didn’t agree with that. It was a gradual process of having conversations with myself until, finally, I got over it.

I tried to suppress what my body was feeling until I stopped. There was no defining moment, no big “aha”. Just questions and thoughts.

Well, how was your first time?

It was a very good first time. I was very careful because I was taking my time and I didn’t want to make a mistake. There was a moment when I was really scared. She was on top and somehow tight on my penis. It was great and I was about to cum, but she said I shouldn’t. I thought I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to and I got scared. Later she told me it was because I was having fun and she wanted it to last longer.

I love that she knew what she was doing and she gave me some advice as well. It was interesting.

RELATED: Sex Life: I Was No Longer Afraid To Be Sexual In God’s Presence

So how did the sex journey continue?

Well, I was having sex with different women and learning things, but the weirdest thing was that I only started masturbating after I started having sex. For many people, masturbation is their introduction to sex. It was just different for me.

While the message around sex was that it was something you shouldn’t do until you were married, masturbation was something you shouldn’t do at all. Maybe that’s why it didn’t cross my mind until a woman I was talking to mentioned it.

We were having a random conversation, and I mentioned that I had never actually masturbated. She found it funny that a 22-year-old man who had sex with other people never masturbated. Then I decided to try it.

How would you describe your relationship with sex now?

Conversations around sex have changed for me, starting with the language I use. I grew up hearing people say things like “I don’t know this baby” and so on. These formulations misrepresent sex and make it seem taboo. Sex is something that both people should enjoy, and if one person isn’t enjoying it, then there’s a problem.

I don’t believe in attaching negative things to sex. It makes no sense to me, and if more Nigerians weren’t so closed to sex, if we all had pleasurable sex, we would be happier people.

How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

7. It’s not like I’m having a ton of sex right now, but I’m spending a lot of time in my own space. I like it.

READ ALSO: Sunken Ships: She Chose Jesus Over Me

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