Succeeding in life: building stronger marriages

By Jonas Nyoni

OVER the past two months I have been writing about marriage and relationships. The responses I received both locally and from outside Zimbabwe were shocking as most of them came from people with marital problems. This raised more questions for me: Can marriages survive in this generation? Are some people not meant to get married? Is the perfect marriage made in Heaven, or is it the members of this institution who should be working hard to build their own marriage?

Readers’ responses prompted me to conduct a survey, which will soon be published as a research article or book. More than 100 married people have responded to this survey to date. From the responses received so far, it showed that only 11% said their communication in marriage is excellent, 41% said their communication is good, 28% said their communication is average, and 20% said their communication was average. % said their communication with their spouse is poor.

Regarding conflict resolution, 22.8% said they could not resolve conflicts amicably and many people (37.4%) take more than two days to resolve a conflict. In financial management, 52.5% said that money causes conflict in their marriages.

When it comes to emotional intelligence, most people (54.5%) agreed that emotions play a role in their marriage. And the preliminary results show that most people are aware of their emotions, although they cannot control them in most cases.

The astonishing statistics were based on sexual matters. Less than 50% of the 105 responses show that they are fully satisfied with their sex life or that they are able to reach orgasm anytime. 27.6% of responses reach orgasm most of the time (but not all of the time). 20.4% of people reach orgasm a few times and 8.2% do not reach orgasm at all. These statistics are frightening, but something can be done to heal and build the marriage institute.

Family structures

Most of the things we wear in our lives come to us from our families, through the process of socialization. If the family could educate their children and members before they get married, it could make a big difference.

It is both through intentional teaching and through tacit skills. Those who are married should show a good model of marriage to their children, relatives and society as a whole.

Ecclesiastical structures

The church plays a vital role in building and shaping behavior through its biblical philosophy. The Bible says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you submit to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives must submit to their husbands in everything.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up to sanctify and purify it.[a] it by washing it with water across the floor. (Ephesians 5: 22-26, NIV).

Learn agility

Marriage is a place of learning; learn about yourself and the person you’re married to. The needs of society must take a firm stand in teaching the next generation how to build good marriages.

For those who are married, they shouldn’t wait until their marriage is on the rocks.

They should find counselors, buy wedding books, and attend seminars. Emotional intelligence, communication, and conflict resolution are skills that should be learned by anyone who wants to get married or get married. Thanks for all of your responses and stay tuned for the upcoming wedding post.

  • Jonah Nyoni is an author, speaker and leadership trainer. Follow Jonah on Twitter @jonahnyoni. WhatsApp: +263 772 581 918

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